Sol Smith's "The Autistic's Guide To Self-Discovery" is a must read for Late-Identified Autistics

I got an advanced copy of this book, and I'm so glad I did. Here's why you should get a copy too.

Maybe the most surprising thing is that the proficiency of so many autism experts ends at diagnosis. Once that diagnosis is made, especially for adults, the expert’s job is over, and they have no idea how to guide you in handling that information.

I decided this was where my job would start.

This quote comes from one of the first few pages of “The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery: Flourishing as a Neurodivergent Adult” by Sol Smith, and believe me when I say, he did this job so well.

Earlier this year, I received an advanced copy of the book, which was published April 22, 2025. I was under no obligation to say anything about the book—good, bad, or neutral. And I’m not being compensated for this review in any way, so when I say you need to snag a copy of this book, just know that I mean it.

But I’m assuming you want a little more information on why.

The Basics

“The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery“ walks you through the self-discovery process gently but efficiently—a rare combination—and leaves you feeling like knowing yourself isn’t such an unreachable goal after all.

This incredible testimonial from Shawn C. Horn, PsyD (clinical psychologist and author of The Adult ADHD Guide to Social Success) sums it up well:

“Finally, an expert who truly gets the experience of navigating life as a neurodivergent adult in a neurotypical world! Sol Smith’s shame-busting guide isn’t about fixing who you are — it’s about understanding how your autistic brain works, recognizing and embracing your unique strengths, and discoveringtailored tools and strategies to help you thrive authentically and confidently in a neurotypical world.”

The book covers many of the experiences that come with being an autistic adult (diagnosed in childhood or not, but especially for those of us identified later in life) and walks through practical and tactical steps you can take to better know yourself:

Table of Contents from my ebook copy of “The Autistic’s Guide to Self-Discovery” by Sol Smith. Your page numbers may vary.

A Gentle Invitation

Sol has managed to make the entire book feel like a love letter to the autistic experience. The message is delivered with an overt kindness and gentleness, filled with the exact kind of affirming encouragement most of us need more of in our everyday life.

It’s the exact right tone for a book designed to help walk you through the process of getting to know yourself or, dare I say, LOVE yourself.

There’s no shame. No judgement. No guilt trips.

And, GOD, what a welcome change that is when we’ve been so conditioned to not just accept and expect shame, judgment, and guilt for the way we move through the world, but to heap it upon ourselves, even when someone else isn’t around to do it.

Here are just a few quotes taken from Chapter 8, “Mindful Unmasking” that demonstrate this tone:

• “Don’t freak out and think you need to alter every fiber of your being to move forward.“

• “So start slow and be compassionate to yourself. Make the bar so low that you’ll accidentally exceed expectations.“

• “If you can’t start out that way, then don’t start out that way, but try to head in that direction.“

• “If you’re looking at this list and feeling overwhelmed, I understand.“

No matter which chapter you’re reading, Sol’s generous with reminders not to feel ashamed, not to beat yourself up, and not to put too much pressure on yourself.

But it never feels patronizing. Instead, it’s the humane delivery and deep understanding of the harsh realities that some of us face as autistics in an allistic world:

“If you can’t get started yet and need more time before taking control and unmasking feels right for you, there’s always the option of waiting for rock bottom to come along. Don’t beat yourself up if this ends up being the route you take. Having a meltdown and losing your job (which is rock bottom for so many of us) is a normal part of autistic life, I’m sorry to say. I’ll offer you sympathy, but I would never shame you for it. If you find yourself in that position, you have the advantage of knowing that you don’t have much left to lose, and you can simply pick yourself up and move on.” —The Autistic Guide to Self-Discovery, pg 153-154

This book will make you feel safe, seen, and understood. And that alone is reason enough to dive in.

An Enjoyable Read

The other thing that’s hard to capture in a review is that “The Autistic’s Guide to Self-Discovery” is incredibly enjoyable to read.

Despite his academic background, the book’s language is unpretentious and conversational. He says he’s “pretty chill with whatever” for dinner, and talks about “shitty things” happening, and says “tests are so stupid that I can hardly stand to rant about them.“ He opens a section on sensory issues, which always has the potential to be overwhelmingly technical, by saying, “Let’s review a few things about how dumb our brains are.“

Sol’s vulnerability about his own experiences, challenges, and struggles makes him relatable, and makes it feel like it’s a friend talking directly to you. This is probably why it felt more appropriate to refer to him as “Sol” throughout this piece, rather than identifying him more formally by his last name. (I didn’t get his permission first, tbh, but I feel like he’d be cool with it, seeing as we’re old friends now.)

And let me tell ya, my friend Sol is funny. I won’t do him the disservice of trying to describe how or why, because I think that sort of thing always falls flat when it comes to humor, but I laughed out loud numerous times. Even if you’re a much tougher critic than I am, I’m fairly certain you’ll still find yourself chuckling and smirking throughout.

A Note on Intersectionality

To the casual observer, Sol is white-presenting, male-presenting, in a hetersexual relationship, and comes from the world of academia, so I wouldn’t blame a reader with one or more other marginalized identities (in addition to being neurodivergent) for wondering if this book will feel relevant and relatable to them, too.

And if we’re being honest, I can’t say for sure, because I admittedly move through the world with a few of those same privileges. BUT if I had to guess, I’d wager that autistics from many walks of life will still find The Autistic’s Guide to Self-Discovery relevant and relatable to them because Sol never claims or pretends that his experience is the only one.

The book heavily features quotes and stories from a diverse array of Sol’s clients—including LGBTQ autistics, nonbinary autistics, and autistics raised in strict religious communities—and he frequently acknowledges when certain issues disproportionately affect multiply-marginalized autistics. He points out, for example, that Black autistics are at elevated risk of police violence and other threats to safety during public meltdowns.

Sol’s self-awareness helps here too. When discussing a topic he isn’t an expert on, he admits it, and when he is about to dive into a topic that could be contentious, he acknowledges it upfront. At the start of a section about self-maintenance, for example, he says, “for many people, even reading this section will feel ableist and frustrating, so I want to apologize for that up front.“

I don’t know Sol personally, but based on the variety of perspectives included, the diversity of the client base that trusts him, and the respectful and inclusive language he uses throughout the book, it seems fairly clear that he cares about and deeply respects people’s identities, even if those identities are very different from his own.

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It was hard to find anything to critique about The Autistic’s Guide to Self-Discovery, if I’m being honest, but I’m opting to give it 4.8/5 stars because nobody trusts 5-star reviews.

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