Reading things like this is so helpful to me as I’m slowly beginning to realise how to manage my own energy and capacity. Really helpful essay, thank you for sharing your experiences so succinctly
Same. Same. And, same. I’ve never really understood FOMO. I’m much more of a JOMO kind of person. The Joy of Missing Out. Sometimes there’s nothing better. I’ve given myself full permission to miss out, knowing that my work ethic and commitment to excellence is unsalable. Skipping the post conference socializing is just fine. More than that - it’s self care that serves my general well being. That time spent in my room or walking the nearby neighborhood without the need for communicating always makes day 2 or 3 of the conference more productive. My own permission also saves me from the guilt and shame that used to only add to my exhaustion.
I feel this so much. I’m an autistic teacher. It’s much easier to teach than to have an informal conversation near the copier. Even before I realized I was autistic I knew I did so much better with social interaction when I had a clearly defined role.
The clear boundaries of public speaking; the exhaustion from other social environments -especially work environments; the wondering what was wrong with me for not wanting to go to the big events.
I’m 60 and just figuring out I’m autistic and ADD . Looking through this neurodivergent lens is helping me understand my personal and work life historyies so much.
Oh I enjoyed reading this so much. I’m a late-diagnosed aspiring speaker and I’ve been trying to reconcile my social anxiety/discomfort with my deep desire to be a public speaker and this is just so helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏻
Oh, and I remember winning a spot on a St Valentine's Day cruise, quite some years ago. I thought it might be fun, I like being on the water and I might meet someone. It was a complete nightmare!! Music way too loud, lots of free booze (but no water to be had, I had to beg a bottle of water from a crew member) and no escape until the boat docked again. I ended up chatting to a guy who looked as awkward as I felt and we exchanged phone numbers and chatted further on the bus. He ended up marrying one of my friends, I introduced them, so the whole thing wasn't a complete waste of time! Nevertheless, never, ever, again.
Now I am living in an over 50's village and wondering what I was thinking, moving here. I went to a trivia night a couple of weeks ago and since I LOVE trivia, thought it might be a good night. Nope, the host was WAAAAY too loud on that microphone and I couldn't hear my team members properly. The questions asked were too quick and it just wasn't fun. I like some of the people who live here but I spend most of my days just chilling with my kitties and trying to grow some veggies :)
I find that craft or hobby-based groups tend to be easier because we have an obvious shared interest, built-in conversation topic, and usually we stop talking at some point and just "do the thing." Maybe your community has (to needs??) a gardening club!
My son, also Autistic, loves public speaking as well. It terrifies me. However, all the other things you spoke about make SO much sense to me!
I am a nurse immuniser. Today, I do my first flu clinic and I can't wait! I pride myself on my knowledge, on my technique (honed over a decade), of interacting with people and putting them at ease. It is something I understand and enjoy. The highlight of my work is people telling me that it didn't hurt. Or the lady who, after 3 years in a row, decided that she trusted me enough that I could immunise her sitting in a chair, instead of laying down in a separate room. However, after each session I am EXHAUSTED. I sit, alone, at home and put my phone on "do not disturb". It takes it out of me every time. Some of that is probably my brain constantly making sure that I have enough supplies, that I am running to time, that I am not breaking some rule somewhere. I get up a full 2 hours before I have to get out the door, just to make sure I do everything I need to do before I leave home. Part of that is maybe my ADHD brain as well? I have both, lol.
Anyway, beautifully written article and very relatable!
Gawd, relating to this *so hard.*
Totally makes sense why I never had fears/issues with public speaking but struggle with informal interactions!
Reading things like this is so helpful to me as I’m slowly beginning to realise how to manage my own energy and capacity. Really helpful essay, thank you for sharing your experiences so succinctly
Same. Same. And, same. I’ve never really understood FOMO. I’m much more of a JOMO kind of person. The Joy of Missing Out. Sometimes there’s nothing better. I’ve given myself full permission to miss out, knowing that my work ethic and commitment to excellence is unsalable. Skipping the post conference socializing is just fine. More than that - it’s self care that serves my general well being. That time spent in my room or walking the nearby neighborhood without the need for communicating always makes day 2 or 3 of the conference more productive. My own permission also saves me from the guilt and shame that used to only add to my exhaustion.
YES! Replying from my very own post session neighborhood stroll. Sunlight helps too.
I feel this so much. I’m an autistic teacher. It’s much easier to teach than to have an informal conversation near the copier. Even before I realized I was autistic I knew I did so much better with social interaction when I had a clearly defined role.
Your students are lucky to have a teacher who cares enough to push through that for their sake!
Yes, as a speaker (teacher) this is a real thing. And sometimes the formal planned speaking is also too much, which is hard.
This all resonates so much
The clear boundaries of public speaking; the exhaustion from other social environments -especially work environments; the wondering what was wrong with me for not wanting to go to the big events.
I’m 60 and just figuring out I’m autistic and ADD . Looking through this neurodivergent lens is helping me understand my personal and work life historyies so much.
Oh I enjoyed reading this so much. I’m a late-diagnosed aspiring speaker and I’ve been trying to reconcile my social anxiety/discomfort with my deep desire to be a public speaker and this is just so helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏻
same!
I can relate to this so much as a stand up comic with late diagnosed AuDHD. Thank you for sharing this! It helps me feel encouraged. ✨
Oh, I'm so glad! That's a big part of why I try yo share so openly. I hope we can all feel a little less alone!
Oh, and I remember winning a spot on a St Valentine's Day cruise, quite some years ago. I thought it might be fun, I like being on the water and I might meet someone. It was a complete nightmare!! Music way too loud, lots of free booze (but no water to be had, I had to beg a bottle of water from a crew member) and no escape until the boat docked again. I ended up chatting to a guy who looked as awkward as I felt and we exchanged phone numbers and chatted further on the bus. He ended up marrying one of my friends, I introduced them, so the whole thing wasn't a complete waste of time! Nevertheless, never, ever, again.
Now I am living in an over 50's village and wondering what I was thinking, moving here. I went to a trivia night a couple of weeks ago and since I LOVE trivia, thought it might be a good night. Nope, the host was WAAAAY too loud on that microphone and I couldn't hear my team members properly. The questions asked were too quick and it just wasn't fun. I like some of the people who live here but I spend most of my days just chilling with my kitties and trying to grow some veggies :)
I hate that I don't FIT anywhere :(
I find that craft or hobby-based groups tend to be easier because we have an obvious shared interest, built-in conversation topic, and usually we stop talking at some point and just "do the thing." Maybe your community has (to needs??) a gardening club!
My son, also Autistic, loves public speaking as well. It terrifies me. However, all the other things you spoke about make SO much sense to me!
I am a nurse immuniser. Today, I do my first flu clinic and I can't wait! I pride myself on my knowledge, on my technique (honed over a decade), of interacting with people and putting them at ease. It is something I understand and enjoy. The highlight of my work is people telling me that it didn't hurt. Or the lady who, after 3 years in a row, decided that she trusted me enough that I could immunise her sitting in a chair, instead of laying down in a separate room. However, after each session I am EXHAUSTED. I sit, alone, at home and put my phone on "do not disturb". It takes it out of me every time. Some of that is probably my brain constantly making sure that I have enough supplies, that I am running to time, that I am not breaking some rule somewhere. I get up a full 2 hours before I have to get out the door, just to make sure I do everything I need to do before I leave home. Part of that is maybe my ADHD brain as well? I have both, lol.
Anyway, beautifully written article and very relatable!
Thanks for the kind words!
Sounds like you experience the same structured benefits as a nurse that we do as speakers! It helps make the interaction easier.
Hold you got some much deserved rest after the clinic! 💜